Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn’t submitted them to the site because he doesn’t believe in any form of submission.
If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the heck he wants.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.
The phrase “Made by Chuck Norris” is imprinted beneath the surface of China.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.